This article attempts to inform the reader about a few factors that play into female underrepresentation in STEM. Although it does not cover everything, it attempts to show that many factors are just simply out of our control. Some factors are still within our ability to control. It is important to focus on what we can change in life so that we can grow.
My intended audience for the article is college students who are about to enter the workforce. It would probably be found in a school newspaper, where readers enjoy reading about various subjects that may impact them. I think that it is beneficial to target a specific audience because it makes that segment population interested, and feel like they matter. No one wants to read an article if they are not directly addressed, especially if it does not impact them. In a few years, college students will be entering into the workforce which is why it will be important for them to understand that promoting diversity and equal representation is crucial.
The article takes on a popular article format because I believe it is easier for readers to understand the main point. It conveys a clear and concise message, unlike a scholarly article. I also like how it takes on a little more of a conversational tone, but still has a slight sense of formality within it.
Thanks for reading my project. I look forward to reading any comments or suggestions!
Skip to content
Writing and Organizational Cultures
A solid start, Julia–please review the additional comments I’ve sent by email.
As you move forward, think about your project here–if you are framing this as a call to action (not just an FYI), it will help to be more explicit about the “what next?” that you’d like to see from your readers.
Hi Julia,
I enjoyed reading your article on underrepresentation of women in STEM fields.
My initial thought is the title does not convey that is the objective of the article.
(I must be fixated on titles because I made another comment on titles today…so if it’s me ignore this).
I ‘m not sure if I have a better suggestion …even…Why Female STEM Underrepresentation Exists and The Answer to If It Can Be Solved. I do like the Steminist terminology but I’m not sure if that’s overused or not.
I really like the division of the article into section, it makes reading easier and it focuses the various points you’re trying to make.
” Change starts with the future leaders and workers of the world”…well said.
Best,
Ed
Hi Ed,
I definitely agree that the title can be improved upon. It was sort of just a placeholder, as I am not as worried about the title as I am about the actual content within the article.
Thanks for the advice though, I’ll definitely put it in action!
Best,
Julia
Hi Julia,
When I initially opened your file I was immediately surprised at how much it looks like the sources we use as students for our own assignments. I like the way you formatted your work and included the subheadings to give a heads up to what would be spoken about in the next chapter. The inclusion of the diagram showing the connection between biology and how it leads to the outcome of peoples careers. I think that this was a very important contribution and I like that right after you showed the diagram , you also made sure to include the ” Main Takeaway” portion which summarizes the point being made by the diagram and how it related to what you were writing about. I think you overall did a really good job
Thank you Oumou! Have a good rest of your weekend.
Hi Julia,
You’ve adeptly laid the foundation for examining all of the complex reasons leading up to under representation of women in STEM. I thought your analysis was thorough and succinct. Even though I know what STEM stands for, I hadn’t really linked it to the financial fields. Thanks for reminding us of that! When you factor that into STEM it becomes even more obvious how women aren’t represented fully in many fields. I think you have good transitions between paragraphs and sections. I thought your analysis of men feeling “cornered to go into something their good at, where women see they have many opportunities…” was a fascinating take on how gender may affect career choices. Although I would argue that not all women feel obligated to stay at home due to the mother-child bond. Many do it because of societal expectations. I would love to see some more specific examples of how to promote a safe and inclusive working environment for women. Other than that, I think your work was well written and thought out!
Hi Sherri,
Thanks for taking the time to read my project. I agree with your statement about societal expectations, I apologize I will reword that better. I will be adding a section maybe on some tasks that can be taken to promote a safe and inclusive environment. Thank you so much for the advice it was very helpful!